


Evil Plans for the Four Dragons

by Buriko



Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: Crack, Gen, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 17:12:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17063777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buriko/pseuds/Buriko
Summary: AU after Chapter 159: Gobi tries to convince Kuervo to capture the Four Dragons. Conveniently for the writer and unfortunately for Gobi, a handful of other minor characters with an interest in the Four Dragons are also present.





	Evil Plans for the Four Dragons

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this before Chapter 160 came out, so we could only speculate where the so-called "Villain Salad" would go. Of course this doesn't make sense now, but it was lots of fun anyway. Reading back through it, I see I predicted a few things correctly anyway. XD

“Ha ha ha,” Gobi cackled to himself.

Ever since his mortifying encounter with the king of Kouka, cackling had become such a self-soothing habit that it slipped into his every day conversations, even at inappropriate moments. There was a time to laugh, and a time to smile, but also a time to be serious. Facing the warlord of Northern Kai, it was a time to be serious.

He coughed to cover up his slip. “Ahem. A-he-hem."

"I hear Xing is a humid country,” said Kuervo, raising a rugged eyebrow fitting of a power-hungry tribe leader’s face, particularly a face shadowed in candlelight. Gobi couldn’t stand the sight of that face, if he was honest. This seemed like a man of simplistic ambition. However, Gobi recognized the merits of single-mindedness in building a charismatic leader that the masses would rally around, so he set aside his distaste. He needed Kuervo’s help, and the man did have his good points. “It must be too dry for you up north. You, give the man a drink,” he motioned to one of his soldiers, and the soldier nodded and poured the priest a drink.

“Yes, it–it’s–a ha–an adjustment,” Gobi smiled politely and accepted the cup, eager to wet his throat with the cool water-–a water that burned. That wasn’t water, nor was that wine. It was pure burning alcohol. He stifled a cough and kept the tears in his eyes and went on, his voice a little higher. “But this is a time for flexibility, so it’s no trouble. I chose to come all the way up here, after all."

"That’s not what I heard,” a stubbly man in the corner with curly hair narrowed his eyes at him.

“Excuse me, and you are?"

"Me? Just a merchant, don’t mind me. I don’t know anything. Carry on. Of course you chose to come here. Why? I love to hear about a good opportunity."

"Yes! An opportunity!” Gobi perked up at the perfect segway. He spun back to face his host and continued, “Lord Kuervo, I hear that you have your sights set on Kouka–-and if you can attain Kouka, you’ll attain the most miraculous, stupendous power!”

He yawned. “Yeah. I heard they’ve got a formidable army. It’d be a boon."

The one-eyed man on a smaller chair next to Keurvo eyed him with the one eye he had. "You heard because they stomped on your troops the other day. Literally. In the face. With white boots."

White boots? That sounded terribly specific to Gobi’s ears. It sounded like one of the details of that day he would never forget. "Aha! Ha ha ha! You–-you know them! You’ve seen the Four Dragons too?"

"Oh, them,” Kuervo grew a wide grin. “I have yet to see them myself, but this guy has–-"

" _Gulfffpph_ –” the merchant gagged on his liquor.

Kuervo stopped and blinked at him, and the merchant waved his hand in the air to say he was alright, and that he should continue. The warlord looked relieved, and turned his attention to the one-eyed man, but Gobi, who was excellent at reading the character of others, took kind notice of this. Kuervo had some honor in him, showing concern that a guest would not die in his care. That boded well for Gobi too.

“Go on,” Gobi said to the one-eyed man, “Have you seen them too? The Four Dragons?"

"Yes,” he said. He stared at the layers of carpets instead of at anyone’s faces.

He said nothing else, so Gobi turned back to Kuervo. “Then you must have heard about their remarkable strength, and divine powers! But then again, perhaps you have not? You have been so busy learning the military arts that I would not blame you for not being familiar with the powers beyond. But I can see it in you, ha ha, you are a man who respects the awesome powers that be. Not like those punkish young rulers of Xing and Kouka."

"I beg your pardon,” a snide voice cut into Gobi’s eloquent appeal, and in came a tall, thin, pale man. Based on the quality of his clothes Gobi would have guessed he was a man of rank, but the sheer lack of regard for combing his long tresses in any sensible way made that impossible. He was likely some uncultured merchant like the curly guy choking on his alcohol. This tall, dark stranger shot his eyes directly to said merchant and said, “There! I was looking all over for you. I know you have _very direct_ inside information on the princess and–-”

He stopped, mouth pursed as he looked around the tent and its other occupants. The curly merchant cocked his head a couple abrupt times in the direction of Kuervo, pointed at Kuervo with his side to the warlord, and moved his lips as though to silently shout at the new stranger. The tall dark stranger got a few shades paler.

“Who’s this?” Kuervo asked.

“I’m lost,” he replied, stiff as a corpse.

“He’s really, really lost,” the curly merchant sputtered. “And crazy. Don’t listen to a word he says. I’ll get rid of him."

"Hahaha!” Kuervo roared. That was a handsome laugh, Gobi thought. “Let him stay. Warm the fellow up with a drink.”

So saying, he motioned to the soldier again, who poured a cup. The man accepted it with shaking hands as he sat on a pile of animal furs next to the merchant.

“Careful–-” Gobi raised his hand to warn him, but it was too late. The man downed it and turned so red that Gobi was afraid he’d soon turn purple. But that was no matter, there were greater things at stake than this man’s esophagus. Gobi’s cape whipped about him as he turned back to demand Kuervo’s attention. “My Lord! With your most capable armies, surely you can form a plan to ensnare the Four Dragons! Under my counsel, surely you will be the one capable of wielding–-"

There came a cough so strong from the dark stranger that his whole body sounded like it turned into a ceremonial horn.

Peeved but still determined, Gobi went on. ”-–Capable of wielding their mysterious power! I have borne witness to a most fantastic display myself, and with your permission, I will impart upon you that which I have been humbled to behold.“

Still more coughing. The curly merchant shushed him.

"Go on,” Kuervo said, getting comfortable. His seat was the only one in the tent with armrests, and he flaunted it. “I can’t say I know the first things about these characters, besides that they’re the stuff of legends."

"Aha! Ha ha ha ha! Good, then, let me tell you! The Four Dragon warriors of Kouka, the White Dragon, who possesses a claw that cut through anything–-"

"Ah–-I know about that one."

"You do? Oh. Well. Very well. Where was I? The Blue Dragon! Who can see for great distances!"

"That’s… nice, I guess."

"The Green Dragon! Who flies through the air!"

"I take it that’s the one with the boots."

"The Yellow Dragon! Who… um… is… strong? Hmm? Maybe I’m forgetting something, I know it sounded more impressive than that. Anyway! That’s truly not all! That’s not even the half of it indeed!” his voice picked up. It felt good to be back in a position of people listening to him, and Gobi’s body felt more limber as he started making sweeping gestures through the air. “When their master is in peril, they combine their powers to take the shapes of the dragons themselves!"

"You-–ahem-– _hhghhacckk_ –you forgot more than a few details,” the dark stranger with even darker eyes said. “That Blue Dragon, for instance-–"

"Sir!"

They all turned their attention to an entering soldier.

"Report,” ordered Kuervo.

“There is an emissary here to see you. Well, not an emissary. The person himself."

"Who is it?"

"Kan Kyoga, General of Kouka’s Fire Tribe."

"What?” the dark stranger stood straight up. He didn’t look happy. But he was crazy, Gobi didn’t have to care anything about him.

He looked to Kuervo instead, who looked intrigued but unsure what to do with this information. To Gobi’s surprise, the one-eyed man spoke. “From what I’ve heard of him, he wouldn’t do anything shameful. If he’s here to talk, then he’s probably here to talk."

"Have you met him?"

"I knew his father."

"And here I thought he was the trustworthy one!” the dark stranger fumed. “Now he’s following in Soojin’s footsteps to-–"

"Quiet,” the curly merchant pulled him down by the wrist. It was perhaps too low for Kuervo to hear, but Gobi heard him whisper, "If you want to know what’s going on, you shut up and listen.“ Although seething, the other man settled back down, and pulled more hair in front of his face, then hid his nose and mouth behind his sleeve. Gobi inwardly scoffed at what a terribly suspicious look it was.

"This is getting interesting. Bring him in,” said Kuervo.

“But–-but Your Lordship, I haven’t finished telling you about the Four Dragons–-"

"The Four Dragons?” a young man in noble attire gasped immediately upon entering. He had long forelocks and could be said to be a handsome man, aside from the enormous purple bruise protruding from his forehead. “I came here to discuss peace, but I had not taken them into account. Are they here?"

"No,” said Keurvo. “Are they yours?"

"Far from it,” he bared his teeth. “They’ve been causing me almost as much trouble as your impending attacks have. I had planned to deal with them next."

"Well, how about that? I could start these negotiations by offering to take them off your hands."

"Oh! Ohhhhhh! A ha ha ha ha! Have I convinced Your Lordship of their value? We must make a plan to catch them!"

"Yes, yes, that’s already the plan, thanks."

"They’re not mine to grant to you,” said Kan Kyoga, a little taken aback.

“If I were you,” said the one-eyed man, who seemed to view the young general with kindness, “I’d consider the enemy of my enemy my friend."

"Friends? I could never be friends with them! First of all, I am loyal to my king, and befriending them would mean… well, I’m not entirely sure what it would mean, but I get the sense it’s complicated. Rather than taking any chances, I will retain my honor."

"Oh,” Kuervo raised both rugged eyebrows, “I always heard Kouka’s military was dashing and manly. How cute."

"And second of all,” he went on, pointing to his forehead, “How could I befriend the White Monster that did this to me?"

"He got you too?” the one-eyed man stood up, almost smiling. “How did you get away with only a bruise?"

"I–er–had the blessings of Hiryuu on my side."

"Ha ha, how humble. Look what he did to me!” he pointed to the scar covering the right side of his face.

“What? You survived an encounter with his claws directly?"

"Of course. I look downtrodden now, but I’m still Li Hazara."

Gobi blinked, unsure of what he was seeing and hearing. It sounded like bragging over injuries. Gobi would never understand these violent types.

"Li Haaa-what??” the dark stranger sputtered, but he backed down when the curly merchant put a hand to his shoulder.

“Li—you’re the man who conspired with my father and led to his downfall!"

"There are many things your father never told you, for he loved you too much. Sit down, let me tell you more about him,” Li Hazara sighed, motioning for him to join him on the rugs at the side of the tent. Kan Kyoga, with eyes like a child, followed obediently.

Well, that took care of that distraction. Gobi used that shift in the air to approach Kuervo’s arm chair. To appease the warlord’s ego, he got on his knees at Kuervo’s right side and peered up into his face, pawing the arm of the chair like a cat. “Lord Kuervo, I’m very pleased that you are so wise as to use the power of the Four Dragons. With my help, of course, such a spectacular future awaits you, and of course, all of the Kai Empire that you’ll overtake, to say nothing of this little peninsula!"

"Sounds good. So what do you think?"

"What do I-–ha ha ha-–you’re asking me? Oh! I think so much. I have so many plans for how to use them–-"

"Yeah, that’s great, and so do I. But if you know so much, how do we catch them?"

"Oh! I did that once. You just need some rope."

"Only rope?” a rugged eyebrow raised.

“Well, no, that, and troops, stronger troops than the pitiful little Xing army. Ones that can fight off the Four Dragons’ bodyguard, the scary black beast."

"Alright. Ropes and men, sounds fine and vague. Then just a chop here and a chop there and we’re done, right?"

"Yes, then–--...what? Did–-did you say, ‘chop’?"

"Chop."

"Like, 'chop, chop, snip-snip,’ like…"

"Like lopping off body parts. Those parts are the weapons, right? Just toss away the rest."

"Toss away the—no, noooo, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, noooooooooooo, M-My Lord, you must have misunderstood, the–the Four Dragons, they, they’re a _living_ power–"

Kuervo shrugged. "Sharp is sharp no matter who’s holding the sword, right? Easier this way than trying to convince them to abandon their master or something. Koukans are notorious pains about that."

"Nnn–no no no no no, Lord Kuervo, _please_ , the Four Dragons’ power doesn’t work that way–-"

"Go ahead and kill them,” the dark stranger hissed. “But those weapons are property of Kouka and must legally be handed over to King Soowon. Seeing as he is, after all, the king, and if anyone should have them, it should be the king. Not some bratty meddling princess."

" _Sssssh_! For the love of Won, _shut up_!"

Kuervo eyed him, less amused. "You’re still pretty lost if you think you can call the shots here, huh?"

"Hmph,” he stood up and tossed his inky tresses over his shoulder. “Maybe the Fire Tribe is scared enough to make concessions, but I’d have thought your new little underling Li would have warned you by now that Kouka’s king is not to be underestimated. Not _anymore_."

"This is not the time, this _not_ the time,” the curly merchant said, sweating profusely.

“This is not the conversation we need to be having either, Kouka’s king doesn’t even want those weapons. N-not if they’re lopped off the Dragons’ bodies, anyway, because surely they don’t work that way,” Gobi said as he rapidly switched his glance between Kuervo and the dark stranger, but neither one looked back at him.

They all heard voices picking up from the side of the tent.

“Agreed?"

"Agreed."

"Agreed what?” gulped Gobi.

Li Hazara and Kan Kyoga stood up, proud and injured, smiling straight at Kuervo. “We’re joining forces,” announced the one-eyed one, “to reclaim our honor by annihilating the Four Dragons."

"No!!” the priest shrieked. “No, don’t kill them! That–-that is not _at all_ what we came here to discuss today, _please_ –-"

"Oh?” grinned Kuervo.

Kan Kyoga smiled back. “But only after we defeat _you_!"

"Holy dragon flames on a riceball, that’s enough, I’m out!” the curly merchant screamed and darted for the exit. The generals unsheathed their swords, and the dark stranger started pointing fingers and screaming, and Kuervo roared like a lion as he took to battle. Someone knocked over the liquor, someone else knocked over a candle. Both of those fell not on the abundance of animal skin rugs, but all on Gobi’s cape. The candle and alcohol birthed a stunning blaze.

The priest screamed and ran out of the tent, ran and ran and ran from the heat that followed him, he knew there was a river he passed on the way in, if only he could reach it before the flames reached his head. They did, they reached his hair, good bye hair-–and _splash_ , he managed to salvage his skin. Gobi was not a bad swimmer, but he was not a good one either. He was unsure how far the river took him downstream before he finally made it to the bank and crawled out, hardly clothed.

Out there, alone in the night, he reflected on this predicament. It was a new low in his life. But once he attained the power of the Four Dragons, someday he would look back on this and laugh.

A ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.


End file.
